A lot of my issues stem from trust problems. I can’t blame any one particular spot in my life, because my gullibility was taken advantage of frequently. I let these processes dull my senses, I made excuses to not confront feelings or hurt or betrayal. In hindsight I think I believed “If I convince my self that I am the negative people say, it can no longer hurt me.”

It’s really, really hard to get back up if you let everyone label you. You know who you are,an if you are not bonded by a God by religion, think back on childhood. Child like faith that you maybe had in an idol, or sport or person, GIVE IT BACK TO YOURSELF. As much as I am compelled to ask you, find a good nondenominational church, I am just as much compelled to ask you to believe in LIFE.


When I let go of stigma, I allowed myself to love and trust again. I am with my soul mate because I took back and owned my faith in love.

Anyone can say whatever they want about you, but YOU WAKE UP TO YOU daily! You have a heart that defies gravity. The very act of your heartbeat is amazing. You are amazing!
If you’re selfish, or free lover! If you’re a grade A student or a hard worker! If you’re inventive or you go with the flow!

Each an every person is so unique and getting up every day, is a little gift you give yourself.
Don’t give your gift away, look at yourself, and say
HELLO Miracle!”


Hush it, Not much for prosperity gospel

I was listening to Joyce Myers an while I don’t agree with everything she says,she said something very profound. My husband an I have always had issues with people who had no problem speaking on what we didn’t do good enough(Now or in the past), or what we did wrong. We have great plans for 2016 and if it’s in God’s  will we pray our small family has freedom.

   I don’t expect things to be positive and flowers all the time. I am all for constructive criticism and HELPING someone move past hang ups that no longer exist or are dying. I will no longer accept any negative things spoken into my life or the ones I love. If you don’t have something nice to say, God bless it if it comes out of your mouth because you better be willing to help change it.

    Joyce said in her sermon
“Well God I stopped being negative and nothing good has rewarded it.” And she looked into the Word of God and felt his response was
“It doesn’t do any good just to Shut Up, you got to start saying The Right Things.”

My 2016 isn’t full of resolutions, it’s full of intent.

I pray and hope everyone has a blessed and Safe New Years Eve. Hope to see you flourish in 2016.

Give Day Tres

I often don’t like fear mongering blogs. I don’t like the moms posting “oh if my kid had sex before marriage, I would cave in and just die.” I don’t like the dad posts of
“Date my daughter and met my wrath.” The truth is I was not an “innocent” preteen or teenage.

Growing up close to the Atlanta airport I was exposed to a surplus of men who did not care that I was someone’s daughter, sister or friend. I was a victim of rape in high school an it was a large part of why I gave up. I feared men, I feared Caucasian men. I never told anyone, an I continued to fly under the radar struggling with alcohol addiction an anorexia nervosa. 
I was 14.

Let’s be honest, it happens. We need to nurture the people who believe this is the norm. It’s not, an nobody is expected to “Keep Quiet.” Or “Follow in Daddy/uncle/brother’s footsteps.”

I met Leroy Lemar when taking a small apologetics course at my church. We became friends and His wife Janelle and him have been mentors. Atlanta is one of the largest cities for Sex Trafficking. Their hearts are in helping both parties. At the root, we are all people and we all deserve to know Merciful, Grace filled LOVE.

I invite you to their site
Serenity’s Steps

Their journey is walked thru on twitter, on Facebook and on the site. Help someone believe in people again. Help someone believe in themselves again. Help find Faith, Hope, and Love.


Marriage in a shell


In just four days, I’ll be getting married to the second boyfriend I had. While lots of hardships and great joys (our children) happened in between the years we were apart, we are amazed where we are now.

As teenagers we were like the Levites with Golden calf in Exodus 32.

    No matter what we tried to replace God with was never enough. Our heart and soul knew of Him, but we did not build our life on Him.
False idols are never filling, they never give peace to the soul, like God can.

We have had it hard since we’ve started our relationship. I’ve had multiple medical issues and my love was just getting on his feet again. If we treat our relationships like God treats us (the church) we should hold tight to our faith.

See marriage is not a MUST! God asks for us to do all things that glorify Him and that doesn’t mean
“Hey when you get married, I want you to play it safe. Don’t worry about your servants heart. Just… Find a good comfort zone.”
Ephesians 5:21-32
That scripture seems simple, but how Christ loves the church?!?
Do we honestly realize and praise God for saying
“Please walk in Faith in me, as One!”

As one isn’t easy, especially when God also asks us to Steward our children.
Ephesians 6

People keep asking me….
Are you excited to get married?
I am excited my heart is where it’s always been and I am looking whole heartedly to a marriage and family that strives to glorify God in our relationships with each other an our relationship with our Lord, our Creator. No matter how many times we find ourselves thinking
“This golden calf is easier.”
We are now preparing to hold each other accountable.

With this
Psalm 133:1

Faith and what isn’t so detailed

As a kid I blindly believed in God because my grandfather was my hero. He had a heart like Jesus, and for the most part accepted everyone. Many things happened to me growing up from verbal abuse, early struggle with alcoholism and personal relationships.
I would think to myself, the man I loved turned his back, an I turned my back on my faith and what I held dear to me.

I looked into other religions, old religions. I thought “If the Christian God is love, why are so many killed in His name?” What of the faiths before Christianity? Why are Christians so determined that they are right? I always say the only thing I hate is the word “hate” because it’s hostile and angry. I don’t want to hate a faith I once wanted to spend my life serving people in. I remember after surviving cancer I felt like God was with me, but financially, support, love and trust wasn’t. I didn’t see people I was giving my heart to, returning it to me. People I prayed for came at me with hate an assumptions about my character. Half of them didn’t even take the time to get to know me. I just want answers.

Since I have fallen out of the Christian faith, I have been a spiral of confusion. All I want for my family to understand is at the core, love and be loved. I want Community and answers. I want the dusty bibles I once studied to bring hope to me again, because worldly things no matter what God you have faith in, will fail you every time.

I can say one thing,I can’t take much more of life without my faith restored. My fiance says he admires my strength, truth is, I was my strongest with God as my strength. Here’s to going back, and looking for whatever I missed.
Here’s to meditation and prayer. Here’s to hope.

Anchor Addiction

I felt the need to write this an I hope some how if it helps anyone, even myself it’s a blessing. I started drinking at the age of 12/13 at no fault of my family, I knew people who could get  it an I thought “Okay, this helps with my anxiety.” I never thought the amount or frequency in any way made me an addict until I flunked out of school. Eventually I became pregnant, cleaned myself up, got married to what everyone saw as a “great guy” , but the truth was it wasnt the life I needed. I started to be over emotional, got tired again, and became ill to find out I had cancer. It all ended in a broken marriage and moving back in with my amazing mother.

I stopped the glasses of wine, went thru cancer treatment, and started feeling really good again. Only once in awhile while promoting clubs and businesses did I have a drink. I had friends who lived close, I occasionally drank with, all while telling myself it wasn’t an issue.
Excuses, like “I dont pay for it.”
“I’m not endangering anyone.”
“I don’t miss work/school.”

It wasn’t until 2014 when I had an intestinal blockage surgery, an I saw pictures of my liver to realise. I had cheated myself, my son and the ones I loved. A drink wasn’t a reward for doing a good thing. A drink was running away from what was real in life. My responsibility to my family and myself to do in the long run what would make us all happy and healthy.

Since the start of 2015, I have been taking steps to take ownership of my health. I have graduated school and hope to continue in Animal healthcare education, I have battles everyday.

What’s easier and what’s wholesome.

My environment has changed, people I socialize with have changed, my heart, mind and lungs havent been better. I never went to any rehab, I just know when to stay away.

The alcohol isle is NOT an Option, the party is Not An Option.

What are options are meditation, trips with my son and family out of town, cooking, baking, crafting.

Prayer and meditation are Mandatorys, time alone is mandatory.

I have another surgery to remove my gallbladder and hopefully my appendix too. I will continue on my journey for whole foods and wellness. I want to enjoy the simple things in life and slow down.
Thru my son’s beautiful brown eyes, I get to see everything I never stopped to notice before.

At 25, I am new, I am living an I am happy even when it’s hard to smile. At the core, I stop and lower my anchor and reconnect to my spirit and the Creator.

Choosing You

Practicing self love can be hard for people who have had self worth issues. Every morning or evening, I am making the choice to look at my reflection an say “I love you” . The type of emotions this will bring up for me until I believe it will be difficult. Sometimes things like this needs to smooth out our rough edges. Pride can tear you a part as much at it can bring you together. Do this for a week with me! Tell me, how do YOU say “I love you” to you?